Schema Couples Therapy is an approach that applies the Schema Therapy method in the context of couples therapy. The goal of Schema Couples Therapy is to examine how a couple has developed their individual sense of self and how they interact with each other. This approach is primarily concerned with identifying psychological needs and how they manifest in a relationship. It also addresses how a couple responds to one another's needs and communicates them in the relationship. The focus is on identifying the schemas that underlie behavioural and emotional patterns in the relationship, how those schemas are triggered, and how the couple responds to them.

Considering Schema Couples Therapy? Answer the following to find out if Schema Couples Therapy is for you. Do you experience any of the following in your relationship?

1. I feel that my relationship is unstable.

2. We struggle to trust each other.

3. I feel we are emotionally disconnected from each other.

4. I feel inadequate in the relationship.

5. Feeling alone in the relationship.

6. Is co-dependent on each other.

7. Have feelings of shame and unworthiness

8. Struggle to communicate effectively.

9. Consistently blame each other for problems in the relationship.

10. Can't seem to work through conflict.

11. Feels there is a lack of love in the relationship. 

12. Have the same fights over and over again.

13. Don’t feel supported in the relationship.

14. Having difficulty making decisions together.

15. Avoid conflict and do not talk about problems.

16. Being hyper-critical of each other.

Within the Schema Couples Therapy approach, a schema represents a framework for the way we understand ourselves, others and the world. 

A schema involves core emotional and cognitive elements that come into being during our developmental years.  Thus a schema of Failure will incorporate a core belief of "I am a failure". These schemas are often reinforced by later life experiences. People can have adaptive and maladaptive schemas. Schema Couples Therapy focuses on how negative or maladaptive schemas as well as healthy or adaptive schemas present in a relationship.  

Schemas develop during our childhood years from our experiences in relationships with our parents and caregivers as well as experiences we have with other people like teachers, friends and family. Our early childhood experiences inform our view of the world and ourselves in it. Schemas often begin to emerge in our early years based on our experiences of getting our needs met or frustrated.

If our primary caregivers meet our psychological needs we develop a healthy and adaptive way of relating to ourselves, others and the world. If these needs are not met we develop maladaptive schemas.

A child’s temperament plays a big role in developing maladaptive schemas. Some children are born with a hypersensitive temperament, meaning they feel things more intensely and have bigger reactions when triggered. These children often have a greater need for emotional support from their primary caregivers and can be more impacted by unmet needs or emotional invalidation.

If a schema is repeatedly activated by a continuation of unmet needs, it will strengthen over time. This makes the schema more rigid and our reactions less flexible. It can create harmful patterns of responding to cues by acting in ways that are unhealthy or self-defeating.

In Schema Couples Therapy, understanding and modifying schema coping modes is key to facilitate change in the relationship. Once a schema is activated or triggered, there is a specific way a person responds or copes with the activated or triggered schema. These responses are also known as schema coping modes. Coping modes involve particular ways of thinking, feeling and behaving in response to a triggered schema. Sometimes we respond in a healthy way or use a healthy coping mode such as empathy or self-control when schemas are triggered. However couples who experience high levels of conflict in their relationship may make use of unhealthy or dysfunctional coping modes such as becoming over-controlling or avoiding conflict altogether.

 Schema Couples Therapy aims to change maladaptive coping modes through cognitive, behavioural and experiential techniques. Schema Couples Therapy can help by changing maladaptive or dysfunctional emotional, cognitive and/or behavioural patterns in the relationship and guiding a couple to develop more helpful and healthier ways of relating to each other. Schema Couples Therapy may also help a couple identify unmet or frustrated psychological needs in the relationship and develop healthy ways to respond to the couple's psychological needs.  

We are born with psychological needs and these needs find expression throughout our lives. Some of our psychological needs include but are not limited to: belonging, connection, love, acceptance, nurturance, encouragement, compassion, freedom, limits, boundaries, self-expression, autonomy, stability, safety, identity, competence, spontaneity etc. 

The extent to which our psychological needs were met during our childhood developmental years plays a central role in our psychological development. Having psychological needs met plays an important role in the healthy development of relationships, identity and well-being. If our psychological needs are not met or frustrated during childhood we may develop unhealthy thoughts, feelings and behaviours. 

We are born with psychological needs and these needs find expression throughout our lives. Some of our psychological needs include but are not limited to: belonging, connection, love, acceptance, nurturance, encouragement, compassion, freedom, limits, boundaries, self-expression, autonomy, stability, safety, identity, competence, spontaneity etc. 

If our psychological needs were unmet or significantly frustrated during our childhood developmental years we may develop maladaptive schemas or belief systems about ourselves, others and the world

Schema Couples Therapy may take anything between eight to twelve sessions initially with monthly follow-up sessions during the final or maintenance stage of the therapy. The full process can take anything from two to twelve months. 

The overall duration of Schema Couples Therapy will depend to a large extent on how the couple responds to the interventions and their willingness to change and adapt to a healthier way of relating to their partner.

The success of Schema Couples Therapy will largely depend on the couple's individual and collective motivation to change as well as their commitment to the process of couples therapy. A willingness to change one's attitude and behaviour will greatly increase the chances of success. Research show that the average person receiving couples therapy is better off at termination than 70%–80% of individuals not receiving treatment fact. Research shows that couples therapy positively impacts 70% of those receiving treatment. And for many couples, seeking out professional help can be the difference between making the long haul or becoming a divorce statistic. Read more here.

Schema Couples Therapy delivered via an online video conferencing platform have many potential benefits. 

1. Accessibility. 

2. Time.

3. Privacy

4. Home comforts

5. Cost

6. Electronic sharing